Four Qualities to Look for in a Wife Before Marriage

Marriage is a divine institution established by God. It is God's arrangement to create a balance that would complement the purpose and existence of humans here on earth. Human beings find purpose in marriage.

 As much as we pursue money and career, we always feel incomplete and unfulfilled when there is nobody to cater for with all the money we accumulate. 

But when we have a wife and children, we are motivated to keep working everyday to sustain our home and also secure a better future for our children. Using the money we make to care for our wives and children gives this inner joy. We feel happy while working. 

           

 God's Purpose for Marriage 

After God formed Adam out of the dust of the ground, He placed him in the garden of Eden and charged him with taking care of the garden. Adam took care of the garden. He gave names to all the animals in the garden – the cattle, the fowl of the air, the beast of the field. But Adam did all these works alone, no helper, no fellow human to communicate with. He only stayed with animals and communicated only to God during His occasional visits. 

     

God was not pleased with it. He didn't like that Adam was alone. As a result, He decided to make for Adam a helper and created Eve from his ribs to be his wife. Eve became Adam’s wife and helper. Genesis 2:18 says,

 

"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

The major purpose of God for establishing marriage is for companionship. Eve served as a companion to Adam and your wife is supposed to serve as a companion to you. God doesn't want either a man or woman to stay alone, rather, He wants them to come together under the beautiful union of marriage.

He wants them to complement each other, assist each other, give birth to children, train their children and live happily and peacefully here on earth.

   

Your Role in Building a Successful Marriage 

Moving forward to the fall of Adam and Eve in Genesis 3, you would see that even though it was God who gave Eve to Adam to become a wife to him, God did not exonerate Adam when Eve made him fall into sin. God also punished Adam. He laid curses on him and drove him out of the Garden of Eden alongside Eve.

Looking at this story, you would realize something: Even though it's God's will for you to marry, whoever you choose as a wife or partner can make or mar your life. Although Eve was deceived by the serpent, it still had a strong effect on Adam. 

God expects that your marriage should work out. He also expects you should be able to identify the partner you would marry, and the marriage would work. 

But how do you know who is the right partner to marry? How do you know if she will truly be a helper as God intended marriage to be? How do you know if you should go ahead and marry her or step back in caution? The qualities below will guide you on who is compatible enough to be your life partner.

Alignment of Goals

Alignment of goals tops the list because it is extremely important. Your partner is meant to support not just your home, but your dreams, your career, and your goals. You both do not necessarily need to have the same career. But you should be able to support and understand each other’s goals. 

A woman whose goal aligns with yours will actively contribute to shaping them, not just merely following them. What is the difference between merely following your dreams and helping to shape them? Following your dreams means she doesn’t disagree nor does she agree. She’s just there and provides no help towards achieving your dreams. She’s neutral to your goals. 

You don’t need such a woman, you need one who shares your goal. One who communicates with you, listens to your ideas and gives you advice when necessary on how to improve and grow. 

Before you commit to her, ask yourself, “Do her values and goals align with yours? If they do not align, then marrying her would be a wrong move. The marriage would likely crash along the way.

Empathy

Empathy is the ability to relate to and feel the pains of others. It is the ability for your partner to be able to fit herself into your shoes and understand your pain. When a partner is empathetic, she connects emotionally with your plights, she understands you and sees things from your perspective. This way, she cares deeply, forgives quickly and loves you without condition. 

If she lacks empathy, she would give all her attention to the fault and not on the background events that played out and culminated in the fault. If she lacks empathy, she would place more attention on the fact that you are not romantic, but not on the fact that you grew up in a separated family where love, communion and fantasy lacked.

You cannot afford to live with a spouse without empathy. She is going to drain you. If your intending spouse lacks empathy, then it’s wise you retrace your steps. 

Respect

Respect is probably the most important virtue your wife must possess for your marriage to succeed. It is the heart of a successful marriage.

When a wife does not respect her husband, it literally sets the house on fire. The man feels less of a man and tries to claim the respect by force and this further destabilizes the marriage. 

A wife who does not respect her husband will do many things which would catch the husband unaware. She would make decisions without consulting the husband, even decisions that directly affect him too. She treats him poorly in public, she would talk to him anyhow in a way that he feels insignificant. 

But when a partner respects her husband, she values his opinions and decisions. She always tries to seek his approval before making certain moves.

Sadly, some men get it wrong here. They think it's only women that are meant to respect. But that's not true. It is  a misconception. 

Respect is mutual and it is expected from both parties. The wife is meant to respect the husband and the husband is meant to respect the wife as well. That is how the family is closely knitted together.

Submission 

In the Holy Scriptures, Ephesians 5:22 says:

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."

A true wife should be willing to submit to her husband’s leadership as the husband is the head of the family. Just like a country is headed by its president, a home is headed by the husband. The wife and the children follow the leadership of the husband.

In our modern generation, the subject of wives submitting to their husbands has suffered aggressive attacks from extreme woke feminism. Modern feminists now argue that women are equal to men and submission is not meant for anyone in particular. They argue that both men and women should submit to one another. 

This philosophy has gained momentum mostly among the Gen-Z and as we can see, the result is not looking good. Studies show that about 50 percent of all marriages end within the first five years of marriage and a bulk of the reason behind the divorce is tied to lack of submission.

The modern generation must get it right. Submission is not meant for both the husband and wife, it's meant for the wife. There is no feminist theology that can change that biblical truth. The wife submits to the husband and the husband leads both the wife and the rest of the family.

This doesn’t mean that the wife cannot counter the decisions and opinions of the husband. Not at all. Submission does not mean stifling the contribution of the wife, it means the wife can freely air her view, counter her husband’s opinions, but at the end, they deliberate together and the husband reaches a decision point which they both will stick to. 

The wife should have her space to express her thoughts and feelings even as the husband maintains his role as the leader of the home.

Marriage is a blessing from God and you are meant to enjoy it and not endure it. Even though you are meant to enjoy marriage, if you look around, you would see that there are more people who endure marriage instead of enjoying it. The simple reason is that they ignored one or two of the qualities we have discussed above and ultimately fell into the grievous mistake. 

Do not ignore any of the qualities we have talked about as you continue the search for your missing rib. And also, do not ignore prayer. Prayer is very important. Some women can pretend to be all these only for them to reveal their true color after you have married them. So, pray very hard that God who sees the hearts of men and women will not allow you to fall into the trap of the deceivers. Your marriage is already blessed in Jesus' name. Amen.