Why Your Expectations Keep Breaking Your Heart

 

One of the most frustrating feelings is thinking, “I was kind to them, why did they treat me like that?” Or realizing you’ve misjudged someone too quickly. 

These moments hurt because you were expecting others to behave according to your assumptions. 

Whenever you find yourself in a situation where you’re either regretting your kindness or feeling disappointed by someone’s behavior, pause and ask: Did I expect too much?

What Lowering Expectations Really Means

Lowering your expectations doesn’t mean lowering or abandoning your standards for others. Because you saw someone do something you either like or hate, shouldn’t make you automatically assume their personality. It’s about observing more and assuming less. 

Just because someone behaves kindly doesn't mean they’ll always be kind. And just because someone disappoints you doesn’t mean they’re hateful. 

Neither should you trust someone to completely change themselves or should  treat you the same way you treated them. No, the world rarely works like that.

The other day, someone asked me, “Don’t you think I meet your expectations of me?” This wasn’t close to me, so I thought, “Why should I expect anything from someone I barely know?” Having any expectations will only do me more harm than good. 

Expectations are just like trust. You don’t hand it out just because someone was nice a few times. You build it slowly over time. 

But when you lower the expectations and standards you’ve placed on them, any random display of character won’t hurt you.

What Lowering Your Expectations Is Not 

Let’s be clear, lowering expectations is not:

• Tolerating disrespect or abandoning your values. 

• Becoming emotionally distant or disconnected. 

• Giving up on people or relationships. 

It’s about understanding that people operate from their own reality, and not everyone will fit the picture you’ve painted about them in your head. 

Lowering expectations is associating with others without hoping for a certain outcome. What you think of others might not really be what they are. 

Practical Ways To Lower Your Expectations 

Practice Emotional detachment from outcomes. 

Be open to any result, whether good or bad. Let go of the need for things to play out in a certain way. People can surprise you, and that’s okay. 

Observe more, assume less: 

Observations first before expectations. The more observant you are, the better you are at making decisions. Assumptions will break you, but observation makes you. 

Don’t paint a picture in your head and expect people to do things just the way you’ve imagined. Observation leads to clarity. 

Set boundaries instead of expectations.

Boundaries protect your peace. Expectations invite disappointment. When you set boundaries, you reduce situations that may affect your well-being.

Focus on how you show up, not how others respond. 

How others behave should be of little or no concern to you. Show up authentically. Do things the way you deem fit and follow your own pattern. 

How others respond shouldn’t be a bother to you. If you wish to give or help, do that because it’s your way, not because you want a response from people. 

When you stop expecting people to be who you imagined or do what you imagined, you start seeing them for who they really are. 

So the next time someone takes you by surprise, ask yourself; 

“Was it really them, or was it your expectations talking?”